Counterpoint
I know this (especially the end) isn't directed specifically at me, but I'd still like to respond.
1. Yes, it's a gross oversimplification, but that's cool. Not many people agree with me whether they hear the simplification or the whole thing anyway. I'm not going to get into the details, but it's not "you shouldn't require love to live a complete and happy life", it's that you don't (and in this particular statement, we mean a very specific thing by love, a culturally standard romantic monogamous relationship). Most of us just don't realise that, for many very good reasons (culture is a huge one). Is this debatable? Of course. Is anyone likely to convince me otherwise? Nope, although I'm open to the possibility. Does this make me some sort of cold fish who doesn't place much value on emotions? Of course not (not that I'm saying Aaron is saying this last point, but it's not an unreasonable thing to infer from the easiest, quickest ways to describe some of my beliefs).
2. "I'm talking about my life and what I consider necessary. You don't get a say." True. But acknowledging that you're right about the interior condition (if you will) of your life is not the same as acknowledging you're correct. As far as this goes: "And if you conclude that I'm wrong about whether love is necessary, then fuck you", I'm convinced there's an important difference between concluding that I disagree with you about something like this and me then taking an extra, wholly offensive step of then dismissing your feelings as a result. Do I get a say in what is necesary in your life? Of course not. Whenever we talk about it, am I going to argue passionately for what I feel is true, even if it disagrees with what you feel is necessary in your life? Of course. So are you, hopefully. Of course, in those circumstances I do not want to come across as dictating terms to others (in the form of "oh, your problems are because you think x, which is wrong" - instead, the intent is to say something like "y isn't a problem for me because I think in terms of z, which is different from x in these ways"). Would I like people to agree with me? Of course. Don't we all?
3. "That's a nice intellectual statement that might even work for some people. It doesn't for me." I'm aware you're having a tough night, and you don't really mean what I'm getting out of this statement, but still: I don't deny the validity of how you feel about this, please don't deny the validity of how I live my life by saying it "might even work for some people". Credit me with the same ability to decide what's good for me that you credit yourself with, eh? There's no might about it, and while you might not have meant the statement to sound belittling, that's how it comes off.
4. "[Lonely is] the most embarassing word in the entire language as far as I'm concerned." By most standards, it is. And in my opinion, that's one of the wrongest things about our culture. We all feel lonely at times. Why should it be shameful? Why should being alone be shameful? As much as most of us (Aaron and myself included, of course) prefer to be with others in a variety of ways (including romantic), some people don't. There's nothing wrong with them, so why do we act like there is? Of course, this is just another facet of the same problem that bugs me when I say our culture is painphobic to a pathological and unhealthy degree.
5. "I'm considering not posting this because I don't want to worry anybody who might read this." I'm glad your better instincts held out, and personally I'm certainly not worried/upset/annoyed or anything like that. But hopefully you're aware that when you put that sort of thing out there, you run the risk of starting a dialogue, whether you were just blowing off steam of not. Hence this post.
1. Yes, it's a gross oversimplification, but that's cool. Not many people agree with me whether they hear the simplification or the whole thing anyway. I'm not going to get into the details, but it's not "you shouldn't require love to live a complete and happy life", it's that you don't (and in this particular statement, we mean a very specific thing by love, a culturally standard romantic monogamous relationship). Most of us just don't realise that, for many very good reasons (culture is a huge one). Is this debatable? Of course. Is anyone likely to convince me otherwise? Nope, although I'm open to the possibility. Does this make me some sort of cold fish who doesn't place much value on emotions? Of course not (not that I'm saying Aaron is saying this last point, but it's not an unreasonable thing to infer from the easiest, quickest ways to describe some of my beliefs).
2. "I'm talking about my life and what I consider necessary. You don't get a say." True. But acknowledging that you're right about the interior condition (if you will) of your life is not the same as acknowledging you're correct. As far as this goes: "And if you conclude that I'm wrong about whether love is necessary, then fuck you", I'm convinced there's an important difference between concluding that I disagree with you about something like this and me then taking an extra, wholly offensive step of then dismissing your feelings as a result. Do I get a say in what is necesary in your life? Of course not. Whenever we talk about it, am I going to argue passionately for what I feel is true, even if it disagrees with what you feel is necessary in your life? Of course. So are you, hopefully. Of course, in those circumstances I do not want to come across as dictating terms to others (in the form of "oh, your problems are because you think x, which is wrong" - instead, the intent is to say something like "y isn't a problem for me because I think in terms of z, which is different from x in these ways"). Would I like people to agree with me? Of course. Don't we all?
3. "That's a nice intellectual statement that might even work for some people. It doesn't for me." I'm aware you're having a tough night, and you don't really mean what I'm getting out of this statement, but still: I don't deny the validity of how you feel about this, please don't deny the validity of how I live my life by saying it "might even work for some people". Credit me with the same ability to decide what's good for me that you credit yourself with, eh? There's no might about it, and while you might not have meant the statement to sound belittling, that's how it comes off.
4. "[Lonely is] the most embarassing word in the entire language as far as I'm concerned." By most standards, it is. And in my opinion, that's one of the wrongest things about our culture. We all feel lonely at times. Why should it be shameful? Why should being alone be shameful? As much as most of us (Aaron and myself included, of course) prefer to be with others in a variety of ways (including romantic), some people don't. There's nothing wrong with them, so why do we act like there is? Of course, this is just another facet of the same problem that bugs me when I say our culture is painphobic to a pathological and unhealthy degree.
5. "I'm considering not posting this because I don't want to worry anybody who might read this." I'm glad your better instincts held out, and personally I'm certainly not worried/upset/annoyed or anything like that. But hopefully you're aware that when you put that sort of thing out there, you run the risk of starting a dialogue, whether you were just blowing off steam of not. Hence this post.
