The Floating World: Twice Removed
I have only 13 years
and I am crazy love you
Is it any wonder that Sloan's Twice Removed is an indelible part of the DNA of my adolescence? I bought it probably because I remembered "Coax Me" from MuchMusic (still the most effective use of the word "cajole" in pop music) and because I heard it was really great, and I've had a fraught relationship with it ever since. I've even sold it twice, maybe three times. Denial, nothing more. I can no more hate this album than I can hate the awkward boy I was at 18. Or than I would be able to hate who I am now when I turn 30.
maybe, maybe it's my fault
I should take it with a grain of salt
From the first flurry of international mash notes on "Penpals" to the confused freakout and sudden stop of "Before I Do", let alone the twee coda of "I Can Feel It", I find it hard to credit that the four guys in Sloan were basically adults when this was written and recorded. I remember listening to this on the stationary bike in my dad's basement incessently during OAC year of high school, thinking of certain people (no names please; it was a long time ago). Grade 13 (as it's also known) was really the first time I noticed girls, and to say it was hell would be generous. Luckily I had songs like "Snowsuit Sound", where it sounded like Jay Ferguson was going through the same thing.
on an innocent trip, how can one ruin so much
a belief in a soul, in a beauty, or in a touch
The two hits, at least up here, were "Coax Me" and "People Of The Sky". Both are brilliant songs, but I think I have to give drummer Andrew Scott's "People Of The Sky" the slight edge. Like pretty much all of his songs there's something more weird/complex/interesting/whatever than most Sloan songs, but unlike say "Sensory Deprivation" off of Between The Bridges it's also very catchy. Of course, "Coax Me" has the one line I've probably referred to more than any line by any band before or since: "It's not the band I hate, it's their fans".
I saw his widow speak on her fortune
she was feelin' pretty apathetic
Much of the record is nakedly emotional, of course. "Bells On" if performed differently could be the lyrics to an emo song, Chris Murphy asking "If I had a funeral, would you even care?" "Loosens" is just some sort of horribly depressing anti-ballad, fraught with loathing both self and otherwise, sick suspicions and worse knowledge. The tryptich of "Shame Shame", "Deeper Than Beauty" and "Snowsuit Sound" might as well be the soundtrack to a latter-day John Hughes movie, especially "Deeper Than Beauty" which so precisely nails the class clown in his lust for the bookish girl it's almost painful.
I dreamed that I kissed your mouth
and you thought about me
Is this power pop? Is anything? What the hell does that mean? Genre tags are nebulous at best, but "power pop", wielded as both insult and praise, is especially brutal. Is "Worried Now" power pop? Is "Coax Me"? Hell, is "I Can Feel It"? Is "Snowsuit Sound"? They sometimes sound a bit like Matthew Sweet or Teenage Fanclub (or a million other bands), does that matter?
put me back
into the same shape
how you found me
Because of when I let this album into my life, there will always be something sad and pathetic and defeated about it to me. It is the soundtrack to not getting what I want. Maybe that's one of the reasons why it push/pulls me to get rid of it and seek it out, to never want to hear it again and then put it on repeat rotation a few days later. Call it masochism if you like, but sometimes you want to hear something that puts you in touch with the lesser aspects of yourself. I had stuffed six basically random albums in pack today for work, and once there I had that horrible gut-wrenching feeling the serious music addict gets when they realise what they really want to listen to (Jens Lekman, but I'm trying not to overdo it) isn't at their disposal.
but I'm too relieved to hold a grudge
I remember the parts of the year where I loved this record most very clearly, the basement with the mice and the stationary bike, watching "Beast Wars" with Ben and Dad in the morning before school/work, the computer in the living room and a downloaded copy of Lufia II. Never been drunk, never fucked, fought plenty of times. Actually that was years after my last serious fight, a circle of twelfth graders around me because they thought it'd be funny if Jon Hammond punched me a few times. It didn't hurt. He cut open his knuckles on the frame of my glasses, didn't even damage them. Fair enough; he'd been tormenting me for months, and I'd beaten him up a few times in retaliation. I was terrified though; those grinning older kids, clearly itching for me to fight back so they could step in. I stood up straight and didn't move. A few years back, long after I'd seen him last, Jon Hammond committed suicide. I never asked how. My temper is much better these days.
I would love you
but I am overcome with shame
For such a social person, I've been having a hard time with people lately. I don't know why. They seem to be disappointing me more than usual, and that's hard to deal with. As a result I spend more time alone, but I hate that. Music, of course, can be very social or very private or both or neither. I've had plenty of friends who like music to varying degrees, but very few who like music in the same way I do (Pete, I suppose, and then some others; but except Pete, these are all people I talk to online rather than hang out with and he's in Oakville). I wonder what, if any, difference that would make. Right now I feel like I'm single (that hideous yearning) without, of course, being single. And it's not like I'm going to forget that, either; but for some reason this feels worse, to be not looking but not with anyone (I mean in the physical proximity way, not the relationship one), than it used to be when I told myself I wasn't looking anyway. Maybe I should get a pen pal.
I suppose that I've seen you three times now
and I guess that I'm
wondering how
you keep the boys at bay;
I have a feeling that they
are wondering, too
How different would Sloan be if there was a female in the band? Like an awful lot of all-male (and all-female bands, to be fair; that I think Plumtree was an exception to this is a sign of my esteem for them) bands, their songs about relationships sound slightly off. Too much wishing and wish fulfillment. Too much idealisation, not enough work. Actual adults don't form relationships like that. Actually, they do, all around you; but look at the mess that makes, the terrible toll enacted, and tell me something a little more mature wouldn't be to your liking. Have people really always been as incapable of knowing what they're doing, of how to find someone who is good for them except by trial and error, as me, my friends and loved ones seem to be? What the hell are we doing? Some, including myself, have been known to joke that Joy has a "broken man-picker". Which has been true to some extent, but look around: What the hell are we boasting about in comparison? To quote Dylan, I'm sick of love. I'm lovesick. Twice Removed just shows the preliminary symptoms, heads swollen with false bullshit and teenage lust (which is different from adult lust how exactly?), hearts breaking and mending with depressing monotony.
never got to tell you that
I was your greatest fan
Anything written is a pose; Sloan aren't these people, these forlorn puppies and lusty wiseasses, and I'm not a curmudgeon. It's just music, just pop music, even. Twice Removed means more to more people than anything I'm likely to do with my life (and isn't Shaun Of The Dead most uncomfortable, a very despairing and even sad film, behind the laughter and the gore, for its indictment of settling? It takes the motherfucking undead arising and killing almost everyone he knows for Shaun to sort his life the fuck out - and even then, what's changed?), but who cares? For me it's a trip down Memory Lane, not nostalgia exactly but definitely the past. I can place every note just before they appear, even if only during the flow of the songs, it's engraved on me as only something listened to with fervor can be. When you're my age and look back and who you were surrounded with in high school and who you're surrounded with now, the question becomes even more vital: Who do you spend your life with (both romantically and not)? How do you choose? Can you even choose? Is there any possible way to not fuck this thing up? (Plumtree, "Thrilled To Be Here": It takes the two of us to screw this thing up)
and he said, "I dunno what I'm doing here
I'm a business man
he didn't come and tell me
they totally misunderstood me you know
this is a whole, whole mistake here
this is a whole fuckin mistake
but I can't explain it and they don't wanna listen to me
you know, you know this
no they didn't, they didn't listen to me, you can't help it
I couldn't explain it, but business is business
and then there's fuckin this other time
this fuckin town, they didn't wanna let me out
they didn't wanna let me telephone you directly"
Today I walked home from work, across campus and down Gordon Street, headphones on, listening to Twice Removed. I got to the end of "Shame Shame". I think I understand how Aaron feels. "I wrote your name for all to see", yeah, but he's still overcome with shame. Because he didn't read a goddamned book. We may be finished with the past, but the past is never finished with us. These sentences are just as valid with any other emotion inserted: "Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" Some albums just wear a groove into your life until one day you realise that unless you want to cut that part of your life off like an arm caught in a trap and suffer phantom pains for the rest of your years, you have to acknowledge them. Some days I want to smack Chris Murphy in the face, some days I want to chuck Twice Removed out the window once and for all, but then again some days I'd like to be a better person than I am.
"happy birthday
to the best brother in the world"
hooray
at least I'm cool still to one girl
and I am crazy love you
Is it any wonder that Sloan's Twice Removed is an indelible part of the DNA of my adolescence? I bought it probably because I remembered "Coax Me" from MuchMusic (still the most effective use of the word "cajole" in pop music) and because I heard it was really great, and I've had a fraught relationship with it ever since. I've even sold it twice, maybe three times. Denial, nothing more. I can no more hate this album than I can hate the awkward boy I was at 18. Or than I would be able to hate who I am now when I turn 30.
maybe, maybe it's my fault
I should take it with a grain of salt
From the first flurry of international mash notes on "Penpals" to the confused freakout and sudden stop of "Before I Do", let alone the twee coda of "I Can Feel It", I find it hard to credit that the four guys in Sloan were basically adults when this was written and recorded. I remember listening to this on the stationary bike in my dad's basement incessently during OAC year of high school, thinking of certain people (no names please; it was a long time ago). Grade 13 (as it's also known) was really the first time I noticed girls, and to say it was hell would be generous. Luckily I had songs like "Snowsuit Sound", where it sounded like Jay Ferguson was going through the same thing.
on an innocent trip, how can one ruin so much
a belief in a soul, in a beauty, or in a touch
The two hits, at least up here, were "Coax Me" and "People Of The Sky". Both are brilliant songs, but I think I have to give drummer Andrew Scott's "People Of The Sky" the slight edge. Like pretty much all of his songs there's something more weird/complex/interesting/whatever than most Sloan songs, but unlike say "Sensory Deprivation" off of Between The Bridges it's also very catchy. Of course, "Coax Me" has the one line I've probably referred to more than any line by any band before or since: "It's not the band I hate, it's their fans".
I saw his widow speak on her fortune
she was feelin' pretty apathetic
Much of the record is nakedly emotional, of course. "Bells On" if performed differently could be the lyrics to an emo song, Chris Murphy asking "If I had a funeral, would you even care?" "Loosens" is just some sort of horribly depressing anti-ballad, fraught with loathing both self and otherwise, sick suspicions and worse knowledge. The tryptich of "Shame Shame", "Deeper Than Beauty" and "Snowsuit Sound" might as well be the soundtrack to a latter-day John Hughes movie, especially "Deeper Than Beauty" which so precisely nails the class clown in his lust for the bookish girl it's almost painful.
I dreamed that I kissed your mouth
and you thought about me
Is this power pop? Is anything? What the hell does that mean? Genre tags are nebulous at best, but "power pop", wielded as both insult and praise, is especially brutal. Is "Worried Now" power pop? Is "Coax Me"? Hell, is "I Can Feel It"? Is "Snowsuit Sound"? They sometimes sound a bit like Matthew Sweet or Teenage Fanclub (or a million other bands), does that matter?
put me back
into the same shape
how you found me
Because of when I let this album into my life, there will always be something sad and pathetic and defeated about it to me. It is the soundtrack to not getting what I want. Maybe that's one of the reasons why it push/pulls me to get rid of it and seek it out, to never want to hear it again and then put it on repeat rotation a few days later. Call it masochism if you like, but sometimes you want to hear something that puts you in touch with the lesser aspects of yourself. I had stuffed six basically random albums in pack today for work, and once there I had that horrible gut-wrenching feeling the serious music addict gets when they realise what they really want to listen to (Jens Lekman, but I'm trying not to overdo it) isn't at their disposal.
but I'm too relieved to hold a grudge
I remember the parts of the year where I loved this record most very clearly, the basement with the mice and the stationary bike, watching "Beast Wars" with Ben and Dad in the morning before school/work, the computer in the living room and a downloaded copy of Lufia II. Never been drunk, never fucked, fought plenty of times. Actually that was years after my last serious fight, a circle of twelfth graders around me because they thought it'd be funny if Jon Hammond punched me a few times. It didn't hurt. He cut open his knuckles on the frame of my glasses, didn't even damage them. Fair enough; he'd been tormenting me for months, and I'd beaten him up a few times in retaliation. I was terrified though; those grinning older kids, clearly itching for me to fight back so they could step in. I stood up straight and didn't move. A few years back, long after I'd seen him last, Jon Hammond committed suicide. I never asked how. My temper is much better these days.
I would love you
but I am overcome with shame
For such a social person, I've been having a hard time with people lately. I don't know why. They seem to be disappointing me more than usual, and that's hard to deal with. As a result I spend more time alone, but I hate that. Music, of course, can be very social or very private or both or neither. I've had plenty of friends who like music to varying degrees, but very few who like music in the same way I do (Pete, I suppose, and then some others; but except Pete, these are all people I talk to online rather than hang out with and he's in Oakville). I wonder what, if any, difference that would make. Right now I feel like I'm single (that hideous yearning) without, of course, being single. And it's not like I'm going to forget that, either; but for some reason this feels worse, to be not looking but not with anyone (I mean in the physical proximity way, not the relationship one), than it used to be when I told myself I wasn't looking anyway. Maybe I should get a pen pal.
I suppose that I've seen you three times now
and I guess that I'm
wondering how
you keep the boys at bay;
I have a feeling that they
are wondering, too
How different would Sloan be if there was a female in the band? Like an awful lot of all-male (and all-female bands, to be fair; that I think Plumtree was an exception to this is a sign of my esteem for them) bands, their songs about relationships sound slightly off. Too much wishing and wish fulfillment. Too much idealisation, not enough work. Actual adults don't form relationships like that. Actually, they do, all around you; but look at the mess that makes, the terrible toll enacted, and tell me something a little more mature wouldn't be to your liking. Have people really always been as incapable of knowing what they're doing, of how to find someone who is good for them except by trial and error, as me, my friends and loved ones seem to be? What the hell are we doing? Some, including myself, have been known to joke that Joy has a "broken man-picker". Which has been true to some extent, but look around: What the hell are we boasting about in comparison? To quote Dylan, I'm sick of love. I'm lovesick. Twice Removed just shows the preliminary symptoms, heads swollen with false bullshit and teenage lust (which is different from adult lust how exactly?), hearts breaking and mending with depressing monotony.
never got to tell you that
I was your greatest fan
Anything written is a pose; Sloan aren't these people, these forlorn puppies and lusty wiseasses, and I'm not a curmudgeon. It's just music, just pop music, even. Twice Removed means more to more people than anything I'm likely to do with my life (and isn't Shaun Of The Dead most uncomfortable, a very despairing and even sad film, behind the laughter and the gore, for its indictment of settling? It takes the motherfucking undead arising and killing almost everyone he knows for Shaun to sort his life the fuck out - and even then, what's changed?), but who cares? For me it's a trip down Memory Lane, not nostalgia exactly but definitely the past. I can place every note just before they appear, even if only during the flow of the songs, it's engraved on me as only something listened to with fervor can be. When you're my age and look back and who you were surrounded with in high school and who you're surrounded with now, the question becomes even more vital: Who do you spend your life with (both romantically and not)? How do you choose? Can you even choose? Is there any possible way to not fuck this thing up? (Plumtree, "Thrilled To Be Here": It takes the two of us to screw this thing up)
and he said, "I dunno what I'm doing here
I'm a business man
he didn't come and tell me
they totally misunderstood me you know
this is a whole, whole mistake here
this is a whole fuckin mistake
but I can't explain it and they don't wanna listen to me
you know, you know this
no they didn't, they didn't listen to me, you can't help it
I couldn't explain it, but business is business
and then there's fuckin this other time
this fuckin town, they didn't wanna let me out
they didn't wanna let me telephone you directly"
Today I walked home from work, across campus and down Gordon Street, headphones on, listening to Twice Removed. I got to the end of "Shame Shame". I think I understand how Aaron feels. "I wrote your name for all to see", yeah, but he's still overcome with shame. Because he didn't read a goddamned book. We may be finished with the past, but the past is never finished with us. These sentences are just as valid with any other emotion inserted: "Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?" Some albums just wear a groove into your life until one day you realise that unless you want to cut that part of your life off like an arm caught in a trap and suffer phantom pains for the rest of your years, you have to acknowledge them. Some days I want to smack Chris Murphy in the face, some days I want to chuck Twice Removed out the window once and for all, but then again some days I'd like to be a better person than I am.
"happy birthday
to the best brother in the world"
hooray
at least I'm cool still to one girl
