Fractionals

So this week's Singles Going Steady went up, without anything from me. Which it doesn't need (I'm glad to see we had five people), but I did do some blurbs - I'm not sure what happened then, but I either forgot to send them to Andrew or his aol.com email address didn't receive it in time (again). I'd hate to see all that work [Ed: err...] going to waste, so here they are. I will say my input would have decreased the scores for Kelly, Stefani and Beck, all of whom needed deflating.

Natasha Bedingfield - "These Words"
Meta-something enough to be annoying, but greatly aided by almost random breakdowns. There are too many uses of the phrase "I love you", although somebody should really name an album "dead poets and drum machines". The chorus sounds kind of like Creeper Lagoon, bizarrely enough, but that combined with the sudden blats are enough to make this endearing rather than pretentiously annoying. For me, at least. [7]

Beck - "Girl"
Didn’t Beck used to be special or something? As generic as its title, between the singles from this album and the ones from Sea Change it’s clear somebody needs to strap Mr. Hanson down and play him Mutations again or something. Or maybe he should just stop with all the Scientology. Chick Corea and Isaac Hayes haven’t exactly been producing stellar music recently, if you know what I mean. [3]

[I WILL STOP REFERRING TO SCIENTOLOGY IN REGARDS TO BECK WHEN IT STOPS BEING A CULT AND/OR HE STOPS SUCKING]

Gwen Stefani - "Cool"
With a backing seemingly nicked from John Waite’s "Missing You" and a bunch of Don Henley’s 80s crap, "Cool" offers equally convincing but sonically opposite proof from "Hollaback Girl" that the American public should just stop encouraging Stefani. It’s nice that she’s cool with her ex, but does anyone care? Go find "Missing You" instead, which may be quasi-schlock but (a) sounds better (b) feels more emotionally honest (c) was around first. [2]

R. Kelly f/ The Game - "Playa's Only"
Do we really have to keep repeating the dumb grammar error in the title? Kelly speak-sings the verses like he always does, and as always it’s kind of annoying. He’s got a good enough singing voice you’d think he would stop half-assing it. The Game appears to be ripping one of his dreary, non-"Hate It Or Love It" singles off for his work here, and Kelly doesn’t get either as catchy as "Ignition (Remix)" or as wacky as any of his other good singles. All of a sudden I miss the days when he offered to toss our salads. [2]

Gavin DeGraw - "Chariot"
No. Just no. Maybe you could have got a 1 or 2 if I hadn’t already been oversaturated with this, but I’ve had as much as I can take. Insufferable, smug faux-“soulful” pablum. I’ve never hated John Mayer, but I don't like him, and right now I would gladly purchase all of his albums just to make Gavin DeGraw go away. A couple of non-sequiturs about chariots and strength and DeGraw’s immensely annoying bray add up to precisely nothing. [0]

Boyz n the Hood f / P. Diddy - "Dem Boyz"
That is an astoundingly stiff drum machine. With the occasional stutter thrown in it works amazingly well with the different rappers and the barely-there synths. Parts of the attempted interplay here remind me of the Diplomats only not as entertaining, but there are a couple of good lines (for some reason I really love the fact that one of them starts their verse with "I’m an Eastside resider") and it’s really too early to tell if these guys are any good. This isn’t bad, but it’s not great either. [6]