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Saturday, March 22, 2008 

"I'm gonna fucking kill you! You'll see me around!"

...said by the gentleman who showed up to the store I work at tonight, at 9:02 (door locked, open sign off, business day ended on our computers, and also, it's the end of shift on a holiday weekend, eh?). We had a discussion through the closed and locked door and when I indicated that I was sorry he had taken a taxi to the store but that I couldn't help in (in, yes, about that language), he whipped out the brilliant rebuttal above.

No matter how credible the person yelling the death threat at you is, getting one always adds a little zest to the night. I didn't hit the summon-police button, although I was tempted; upon calling Dan I was informed that that's absolutely what I should do, which oughta make the next time this guy shows up just a little more fun. Once he buggered off, I got the cops to do a drive by and waited until Ben and Kristine showed up to leave (I had more work to do in the back in any case). Next time someone starts that shit, I'm hitting that button.

oi. I can't wait for that to happen at the sex shop I'm working at now. The most excitement i've seen so far is some dirty ghetto trannies bolt out wearing 4 layers of shoplifted clothes.

A sex shop! Jeeze, that sounds even worse that most retail. You'll probably have some impressive stories at some point though, eh?

well, in terms of it being a sex shop, it honestly does sell more clothing, lingerie and costumes than anything. It's a "boutique", and probably 93% of it's inventory is clothing. Then they have the bachelorette party stuff, and the small corner of dildos, and videos, jewelry and other ::ahem:: accessories at the counter. But really. it's clothing! It's probably the cleanest and most proper sex-themed shop around.

That does sound bizarrely high class. You shouldn't have even called it a sex shop, you tease!

but we have vibrators! And tshirts that say things like "GIRLS LICK PUSSY BETTER"

I should totally get a shirt that says that.

If we still had them in stock, i would TOTALLY procure you one. Unfortunately, I had to take that one down off the website the other day due to lack of inventory and the product's discontinuation.

DAMN IT



That's okay, I probably shouldn't be sending mixed messages like that anyway.

well, if you ever feel like it....

http://www.eroticcabaret.com/servlet/the-360/cami%2C-camisole%2C-tank%2C-top%2C/Detail

Or maybe this one:

http://www.eroticcabaret.com/servlet/the-1303/Tee%2C-t-dsh-shirt%2C-shirt%2C-tees%2C/Detail


I can only imagine that working in a place like that stops being titillating very quickly, if it ever is in the first place.

mmm yes, that suits you perfectly!

Yeah, it's not titillating at all. Nor was it ever.

Figures.

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Ian Mathers is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in Stylus, the Village Voice, Resident Advisor, PopMatters, and elsewhere. He does stuff and it magically appears here.

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